First impressions.

DSC08333-001It’s a rainy afternoon. Actually, not technically rainy- just a general cloudiness shrouding the sky accompanied by the occasional raindrop or two. I’m sitting by myself at a table with a cup of iced green tea that the boy in the Starbucks hat and apron made for me, handing it to me along with a straw while  saying something about having a nice day; i can’t really remember.

However, even though I’m by myself, I’m not alone. There are about thirty other people in the room with me. Funny how you can be alone in a crowd. However, I would rather be in a crowd of strangers any day, than in a crowd of acquaintances. Amongst strangers, you have the freedom to really be who you are now, unhindered by the shackles of first impressions made long ago. It’s refreshing.DSC08324-002


That’s a bit similar to the approach I’ve taken to writing recently. Trying to get past that bad first impression. It wasn’t truly a first impression…more of a second or third. But it was enough. You sit down to write one day, expecting the comfort of the familiar sound of pen scratching on paper, but instead receive the cold shock of silence. You recoil, not sure what to say. And that identifies the experience of your writing. It’s hard to go back. Really. But I’ve realized that it’s been too long.

Honestly, I let too  many things  influence me; polluting the raw truth in my writing. In the end, i try to soften things up; try to make it more palatable by diluting it. Washing away what really matters. leaving behind but a skeleton of what it was.


DSC08314-001Honestly, what I think I’ve realized is that i wish i could show people who i am. Those acquaintances that i shy away from, too scared to let down barriers that I put up long before. I think I’ve let those barriers, along with influences from other things creep into my writing; one of the only ways i express myself. And I’ve blocked myself out. Too scared of what people will think of me once they see those words, once they’re out of my grasp. Unreachable and unable to be erased.

So i came here. To the unfamiliar, full of people unknown to me, with their own futures, hopes, dreams and failures. Trying to discover my writing again.

And again, with a refreshed mind, I am going take a deep breath, plunge back in {perhaps a bit blindly at first} and attempt to conquer my fears. Both in writing, and with people. Wish me luck.





2 thoughts on “First impressions.

  1. I relate to this in so many ways. Everyone sees me as the quiet girl that doesn’t ever say anything and it’s so hard to get across that I do actually have things to say. And I totally get what you’re saying about the writing side of things, too. It’s hard when you’ve already made a first impression. (on a side note: I really like the second picture. Freckles <3)

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